The boundaries should be between parents and children

Setting boundaries between parents and adult children is necessary because it shows respect for their own lives and the lives of their parents.

According to experts, these are 7 limits that should be set between parents and adult children.

Artwork: Family Magazine

Ask about how to spend money

As your child matures and becomes financially independent, having to listen to your parents' opinions on how to manage money can be frustrating. Although parents only have good intentions, they want their children to be financially stable, but as an adult, you shouldn't feel obligated to follow their advice or justify your spending habits or money decisions. his silver.

In this case, it is advisable to be frank with the parents. You can say, "I understand that you care about my future and want the best for me. I'm comfortable with how I manage my money and my life plans. I don't want to discuss it. more on this".

Job

Some parents pressure their children to choose certain career paths they believe are stable, lucrative, or influential. However, this can create great pressure and anxiety for the child. Having to choose a career according to parents' wishes can make children feel "I'm never good enough" or dare not pursue what they think is best for them.

Giving unsolicited advice

According to clinical psychologist Ryan Howe, most parents tend to "prefer to give advice on any subject". This stems from anxiety or distrust of your adult child. This act of parents makes children feel that they are incompetent, being criticized...

According to experts, in this case, the child should frankly say that if he needs parental advice, he will ask.

Comment on your child's body

It is not uncommon for parents to comment on their children's physique and body size throughout their children's lives, even into adulthood. Most parents will say their child "should be thinner" or "should be a little fatter"... This can be annoying to hear and even harmful, especially for those struggling with problems body image problems or eating disorders.

According to experts, the child can proactively suggest that parents not talk too much about the issue, then change the subject to something more interesting. You can also tell your parents directly that you're hurt by the topic.

Gossip about family members

Parents will sometimes slander or reveal personal information of a relative or another family member or relative with you. This becomes common, especially if the person in question does not meet parental expectations.

If you want to draw a line here, you can say that the conversation makes you uncomfortable and that you will not participate in such things.

Don't try to fix each other's feelings

Expert Stoddard gives an example, suppose you tell your parents not to return to your hometown this Tet and they say they're hurt, sad, angry at you for not seeing you for a long time... Normally, you'll feel guilty. and was so upset that he decided to buy a plane ticket home. However, if you have issues of your own (stuck with work, tight finances, etc.), keep this boundary by saying, "The truth is, this visit was very difficult for me. I understand that you are sad, but I love you very much."

By setting this boundary, we allow parents to have negative emotions while not trying to correct or eliminate them, experts say. Conversely, you also don't have to do everything your parents want you to do to make them feel better.

Don't always stick to things according to tradition

When a child becomes an adult and begins to make choices of his own, the "we always do" concept no longer applies automatically. For example, when you were a child, the whole family used to go on vacation together in the summer, but now that you are an adult and have children, this will be more difficult. According to Howes, it is important to have an open, honest discussion that acknowledges that circumstances have changed and that we need to communicate our wants and needs in the future.

Tips for setting boundaries.

To set boundaries, it's important not to explain yourself too much, according to experts. In addition, you should try to be patient with your parents to a reasonable extent and be willing to make adjustments. In some cases, taking a step back is no big deal. Of course, we all have our limits and you need to respect them too.